


Make Me Feel Alive (and shatter me)

by Amber_Flicker



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, But not how you think, Dark, Drabble, Heartbreak, M/M, Self-Hatred, So much angst, Unhealthy Relationships, bc let's be honest you have to hate yourself to do something like this, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 05:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6741046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments between Barry and Len, and the eventual fallout.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make Me Feel Alive (and shatter me)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Shatter me by Lindsey Stirling

**5.**

"We're done." 

"I- god. You don't mean that." 

Len tilted his head slightly. "I do."

"Why? W-What did I do wrong this time-" Barry was trembling, eyes already filling with tears. Like he hadn't known this was coming. He'd known... that didn't mean it hurt any less. But that's what you get when you get into this kind of relationship. That's what he asked for. 

"This wasn't ever real, Barry." His voice was careful, words deliberate and tone icy. He'd planned this for months, after all.

"I- I don-" The speedster choked on the words. Couldn't hold it together enough to finish. Just stared back at him with a pleading expression. It almost made him stop.

Len turned and left. And if he felt like he was breaking too? Well, that was no one's business except his own.

**4.**

Barry had cuddled up against Len as they watched the movie, nearly glowing with happiness. His eyes were closed- he wasn't asleep, but was slowly drifting there. Len looked down, he should be enjoying this too. But he wasn't. Cold dread had flooded his system, misery and anger at what he was going to do. In that moment he hated himself. But they'd made a deal, and god knows he'd do anything for this kid.

"You know this won't last forever."

"I know."

**3.**

"When this ends badly it's all on you."

"It was my idea in the first place, do you think I don't know that?"

And as he lay next to his lover, both sated and tired, that's when he realized his mistake.

He was in love with Barry Allen.

**2.**

"We can't tell anyone."

"Of course. It'll be our little secret."

"Just like my identity?"

"Mmhmm."

Barry moved up behind him, watching as he cooked. Len maneuvered around him easily as he went around the kitchen, a familiarity they'd gained only a week into it. That right there, that thought, it should've told him that this was a bad idea. That this was becoming so easy, that he could slip into this illusion without a thought. They had a domesticity that was all too simple. Their broken edges fit together _too perfectly._

He smiled, and kissed Barry, quick, chaste. "Set the table, would you?"

**1.**

"Could you repeat that?" His gun lowered, the only evidence that he was in shock. That he didn't believe what he'd just heard.

"I want you to make me fall in love with you. Then I want you to break my heart." Those words weren't something you'd expect to hear come out of _anyone's_ mouth, but Barry Allen? Mr. Sunshine and optimism and stubborn there's-good-in-you speeches? But that wasn't who was in front of him. This Barry was sad and broken, something sinister lurking below the surface that wanted to be let o u t but was restrained. This Barry had been pushed one too many times and was at his limit, and maybe, just maybe, he wanted someone to tip him over the edge and let him release that darkness. Maybe he just wanted to feel again. Or he felt like he needed to be hurt.

This was unfamiliar. This wasn't Barry Allen. But he was so desperate, and Len knew the feeling of being shattered too well. Maybe that's what made him agree. 

"...Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Messed with formatting styles here. I wrote this in half an hour, just to get the idea out of my head.
> 
> Set sometime after s2e14 but before s2e17
> 
> Come angst with me at http://cliches-and-coffee.tumblr.com/


End file.
